Childhood Nightmares & Night Terrors : How to Handle Childhood Bedtime Fears
Witches, Skeletons, and Monsters… Oh my!
The O’Leary Crew, Halloween 2023
If there’s one thing Westchester County loves, it’s Halloween. The neighborhood is filled with festive displays, and around every corner, there’s new decor to delight—or potentially terrify—my kids. My next-door neighbors have definitely opted for the latter, with skeletons and fire-breathing dragons adorning their lawn. (As you can see my crew keeps things on the less-spooky side).
But it’s not always the obvious triggers that send our little ones into a panic. Sometimes, they’ll breeze right past the most gruesome halloween display only to fixate on a strange mannequin at the mall (fair enough—those can be creepy!). You can’t always control what your child will experience, and you certainly can’t predict how it will affect them. But you can control how you respond!
Today’s blog is designed to equip you with the tools to navigate your kid’s bedtime fears with confidence. We’re here to empower you with tips and tricks to address and acknowledge nightmares, night terrors, and general fears without giving them more power..
Bad Dream Basics:
Most childhood bad dreams can be sorted in to two categories: nightmares and night terrors. The two terms are often used interchangeably with “nightmare”, but the two experiences are very different. We’ve outlined how they differ, and how to spot them in your child below:
nightmares
We all get nightmares from time to time. Nightmares occur during REM sleep (the final stage of the sleep cycle), making them most common during the second half of the night, usually the middle of the night or early morning. The cause of nightmares is not entirely known but it’s common for your child’s brain to be triggered by something that happened during the day or before bed – such as a story they heard, something they saw or a television show they watched. Nightmares are most common in children 2-6 years old, but can happen as young as 6 months and as old as 12 years old. An overtired or overstimulated toddler may be more prone to nightmares.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR:
Nightmares often go undetected in a sleeping child. Your child may look and feel completely normal while experiencing a nightmare. The effects of a nightmare are primarily emotional rather than physical; meaning it’s only after they wake up that you might hear them upset or notice an increase in their heart rate.
nighterrors
The term “night terror” is often used interchangeably with “nightmare”, but the two experiences are very different. Night terrors usually occur during NREM sleep, the more restful, quiet time of sleep, usually in the first half of the night. Night terrors are far more common in children than in adults. They usually affect children aged 3 to 7, with frequency tapering off dramatically after age 10.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR:
During a night terror, you will usually witness what looks like panic in your child. These can include screaming, wild movement of legs and arms, rapid breathing and perspiration. These behaviors create the impression that your child is “fighting” against their dream. Sleepwalking is also more common in children experiencing night terrors.
WHEN TO SEE A DOCTOR: Of course, if you are concerned about your child’s sleep disruptions you should always consult your pediatrician. We recommend you specifically reach out for medical advice if your child experiences two or more nightmares a week for six months or longer.
What makes a Bad Dream, “Bad”?
The truth is, having the occasional bad dream is very normal. Teaching your child to cope with startling experiences like nightmares, is part of setting them up for a lifetime of great sleep habits. However, when bad dreams become frequent, they can have challenging effects on your child’s sleep routine and overall health.
Effects of Long Term Child Nightmares & Night Terrors
When children are having regular nightmares or night terrors it can have a negative impact on the full scope of sleep. Examples of downstream impacts include:
Dreading Bedtime: A resistance to bedtime can impact your routine. What was once a calming time that laid the foundation for a great sleep is now filled with panic, resistance, and becomes stressful rather than relaxing.
Difficulty Falling & Staying Asleep: Your child’s sleep “skill” and “will” can be impacted. Anyone who knows me knows I place a huge emphasis on a child’s ability to fall asleep independently, and their willingness to do so. Frequent nightmares can shake their confidence.
Negative Association with their Sleep Space: You want your child to love their bed as much as you love yours. It’s important to help them feel safe and secure in their sleep environment. If your child’s nightmares are caused by something in their room, this can create an aversion to their bed or crib.
Fear of the Dark: Your child’s imagination, both of fantasies and fears, may be elevated when it’s dark making the anticipation of nightmares feel more intense.
So, how do we handle bad dreams?
Even with the best intentions, our responses as parents can sometimes do more harm than good. Use the tips below to ensure you’re not caught off guard by your child’s next nightmare and are prepared to navigate your response—even in the wee hours of the night!
1. Reinforce Your Child’s Safety
Remind your child that dreams, both bad and good, are just their brain being imaginative. Explain in a simple way that we all have dreams and it doesn’t mean they are true. Be relatable and compassionate that you know some dreams are upsetting but remind them they are always safe in their bedroom.
2. Lead With Confidence
There’s a fine line between validating your child’s scary experience and exacerbating their fears. Comfort them while keeping your own emotions to a minimum. Keep things upbeat and calm, nothing to see here! Whenever my kids have a bad dream, I reassure them with a calming phrase such as “You are safe and your dream is over”, I also redirect their brain by asking them “Let’s think of three things to dream about that are fun and happy.”
3. Compromise
In our family, my children feel more comfortable with the door open while they sleep. My preference (for fire safety) is the door closed tightly. But you know what? I know they put a lot of effort into following the structure I’ve set most days. So on nights when they’re feeling scared, I’m more than willing to meet them halfway and keep the door ajar if it gives them a little more confidence.
4. Don’t Look Under the Bed
This is a big one. If your child is in the middle of hysterics it can be tempting to “prove” that there’s no monsters under the bed or in the closet by making a show of checking. I promise you, this is a short term solution. When you check under the bed, or in the closet, or spray “monster spray” you are reinforcing the idea that your child’s fears are real… reassure them without confirming their fears (see above #2!)!
5. Moderate Their Content
It feels obvious, but it’s worth mentioning. Try to keep content before bed soothing, calm, and upbeat. We encourage you to power down electronics at least an hour before bedtime and be mindful that even the most innocent of television shows can morph into something totally different in your child’s little brain!
6. Look For Patterns
Pay attention to what consistently upsets your child, and do your best to limit those triggers before and during your child’s bedtime routine.
7. Use Soothing Tools
A nightlight can help ease a fear of the dark. I recommend the hatch for its combined white noise/night light features - along with its “wake clock” function which can be useful for sleep training! If you find your child asking for a nightlight or asking for the light on, introduce it in a casual, more proactive way using words like “oh, let’s turn this night light on a little it’s not so dark.” You can manage the brightness of the Hatch via your phone and wean your child off the light overtime. Some children, if over 12 months, can also use a stuffed animal or lovey that is free from batteries or buttons to comfort them and provide some security.
8. Set the Tone
Create a calming bedtime routine. Before bed, spend a few minutes asking your child about three good dreams they’d like to have that night. Reiterate these dreams to them, wish them goodnight, and tell them you’re excited to hear all about their dreams in the morning. If they wake from a nightmare, help them repeat their good dreams before wishing them good night again!
Is this sounding familiar?
If you’ve sleep trained with A Restful Night you’ll recognize many of the tips above. Sleep training isn’t about having a rigid schedule, it’s about creating routines that allow you to adapt to changes and bumps in the road!
There’s nothing scarier than lost sleep…
Having a frightened child can be distressing, especially when it leads to consistent disruptions in sleep for both of you. However, bad dreams are ultimately a normal part of childhood (and adulthood, hello work-nightmares!). With the right tools and strategies, you can foster a sense of safety and security in your child’s bedtime routine. Remember, the goal isn’t to completely eliminate nightmares, but to help your child build resilience in the face of fear.
If you need a teammate to tackle your child’s bedtime struggles—fear-related or otherwise—we’re here for you! Book your complimentary consultation call today, and let’s discuss a program that fits your family’s needs!
Meg O’Leary is an Infant and Child Sleep Expert and the Founder of A Restful Night. She and her team offer sleep training support to families worldwide.
