Postpartum Support: How to Ask for and Offer Help Without the Guilt
“It takes a village to raise a child” … so, where’s mine?
Bringing a new baby home is one of the most life-changing experiences a parent can go through. It’s beautiful, overwhelming, exhausting, and joyful—all at once. While everyone focuses on the new baby, the truth is, new parents need just as much care and support during the postpartum period.
Yet, asking for help can feel awkward. From worrying about being a burden to others, to struggling to put into words what might actually be helpful in those first few weeks at home - many new parents struggle to lean on their “village”. On the flip side, if you want to support a new parent, you might feel unsure about what they actually need. Do they want visitors? Are they secretly hoping to be left alone? Should you send food or offer to clean?
The good news: postpartum support doesn’t have to be complicated or uncomfortable. Whether you’re a new parent learning to ask for help or someone looking to offer meaningful support, this guide will help you navigate postpartum with confidence.
Why Postpartum Support Matters More Than Ever
The postpartum period, also known as the fourth trimester, is a time of major adjustments. A new baby brings sleepless nights, unpredictable emotions, and physical recovery—all while parents are expected to figure out how to keep a tiny human alive.
Many new parents feel pressure to “bounce back” or handle everything on their own. But the reality is, postpartum support isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. Without it, new parents are at a higher risk for postpartum depression, anxiety, and burnout.
What Happens Without Proper Support?
Increased feelings of isolation and overwhelm
Higher risk of postpartum depression and anxiety
Slower physical recovery
More stress on relationships
Alternatively, a strong postpartum support system helps parents feel more confident, emotionally stable, and physically cared for, leading to a healthier (and happier) transition into parenthood.
So, let’s talk about how to ask for (and accept) help without the guilt.
How to Ask for Help as a New Parent
Asking for help can be uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to handling things on your own. But this is not the time to “power through” by yourself. You’re recovering, adjusting, and learning—having support will only make you a better, more rested parent.
Shift Your Mindset: Accept That You Need Help
Needing help doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. You were never meant to do this alone.
Instead of thinking:
“I should be able to handle this on my own.”
Try:
“It’s okay to need help. I’m recovering and adjusting.”
Be Clear About What You Need
People want to help, but they often don’t know how. Make it easier for them by being specific.
Instead of:
“I’ll let you know if I need anything.”
Say:
“It would be amazing if you could drop off a meal this week?”
“Would you mind watching the baby while I shower?”
“Next time you’re at the grocery store could you grab some ________ for us?”
Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Visitors, advice, and expectations can feel overwhelming. It’s okay to set limits.
Examples:
“We’d love short visits, but we’re keeping them under 30 minutes.”
“Please text before stopping by—we’re still adjusting.”
“We’re asking for meals instead of baby gifts right now.”
“Please reschedule if you’re feeling sick, and we ask that no one kiss the baby until after they’ve been vaccinated”
Boundaries ensure you get the help you want, not the kind that adds stress.
Create a Support Plan Before the Baby Arrives
If possible, set up a postpartum support plan ahead of time. Write down:
Who can bring meals?
Who can help with laundry or errands?
Who can be your go-to person for emotional support?
The more structured your plan, the easier it will be to ask for help when you need it.
Does delegating all these tasks sound harder than doing them yourself?
There are third party services, such as Meal Train, that allow your community to sign up to provide meals!
Add Specialists and Services to Your Registry
Creative gifts that allow your community to feel like they’re truly supporting you!
Meal Delivery Services like Uber Eats or Doordash Gift Cards
Laundry Services in your local area
Lactation Consultants
One-on-one support with Sleep Specialists
Postpartum Massages
Mental Health Support
The peace of mind knowing you can rely on these services postpartum is the best gift of all!
How to Offer Help to a New Parent Without Overstepping
If you want to support a new parent, your role is to make life easier, not add more to their plate. The best way to do this? Offer specific, thoughtful help instead of vague gestures.
Ask Before Visiting (and Be Okay with a No)
New parents are exhausted and still adjusting. Always check before showing up.
Instead of:
“I’m stopping by to see the baby!”
Try:
“Would you like company this week, or do you need space?”
“Can I drop off a meal at your doorstep?”
If they say they’re not up for visitors, respect their wishes. They’ll appreciate the space.
Offer Concrete Help (Not Just ‘Let Me Know If You Need Anything’)
Vague offers often go unused. Instead, make it easy for them to accept help.
Say:
“I’m heading to the store—what can I grab for you?”
“Can I drop off coffee and a snack at your door?”
“I have 30 minutes—want me to fold some laundry?”
Little things make a huge difference.
Support the Parent, Not Just the Baby
Everyone’s excited to hold the baby—but new parents need care too.
Instead of:
“Let me know when I can come cuddle the baby!”
Try:
“Do you need a nap? I’d love to hold the baby while you rest.”
“What chores can I do while you hold your baby?”
“How are you feeling? Need to vent?”
Keep Checking In (Even Months Later)
Postpartum challenges don’t magically disappear at six weeks. Keep checking in.
Say:
“How are you? Want to grab a coffee?”
“Thinking of you—need a meal or a break?”
“How’s your sleep? Need me to pick up anything?”
Ongoing support makes a lasting impact.
Live far away from the new parents?
You can still contribute! Consider gifting the new parents services instead of more baby stuff (see the ‘Add Specialist and Services to Your Registry’ Above). You could offer to pay for a house cleaning service, a laundry service, or even order them delivery from afar!
Postpartum Mental Health: When Extra Support is Needed
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed in the postpartum period, but if feelings of sadness, anxiety, or detachment persist, it’s time to seek help.
Signs of Postpartum Depression or Anxiety
Feeling hopeless, numb, or disconnected from your baby
Crying frequently or feeling overwhelmed by small tasks
Struggling to bond with your baby or feeling like you’re “not yourself”
When to Seek Professional Help
If symptoms last more than two weeks
If daily tasks feel impossible
If you have intrusive thoughts or extreme mood swings
Reaching out to a doctor, therapist, or support group can be life-changing. There is no shame in asking for help—your mental health matters.
a note on sleep training and mental health
Every parent knows: when your child isn’t sleeping, neither are you. During the postpartum period (and well beyond) sleep plays a vital role in the health and wellbeing of the entire family. While disrupted sleep is expected in those early weeks and months, it doesn’t need to become your new normal.
You're a more present, patient, and confident parent when you're well-rested. That’s why sleep support isn’t just for your baby, it’s an investment in your mental and physical health, too (read supporting evidence here).
If you’re feeling exhausted and unsure where to start, we’re here to help. Book a complimentary consultation call, and we’ll guide you toward your next steps.
Final Thoughts
Parenting isn’t meant to be done alone. Whether you’re a new parent learning to ask for help or a friend wanting to support a loved one, small actions make a big difference.
For new parents: You’re doing an incredible job. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak—it makes you wise.
For their village: Your kindness and thoughtfulness can make a world of difference. Show up, offer practical help, and check in long after the newborn stage.
At the end of the day, postpartum support isn’t just about surviving—it’s about thriving. And that happens when we take care of both baby and parent.
Meg O'Leary is an Infant and Child Sleep Expert and the founder of A Restful Night. Based in Westchester County, NY, she leads a team of certified sleep coaches to provide virtual support to families across the US and around the world.
